If anyone has any doubts about the stigma of self-publishing and whether or not it is here to stay you only have to check out the recently self-published and instant cult classic “Urine Therapy – How to Drink Your own Urine” by “Craig Smith”.
According to “Craig”, urine is pretty sterile and contains excess “good things” that the kidney was not able to absorb. Getting those good things back in the body either through drinking them or massaging them into your skin could cure cancer, cure insomnia, relieve stress, cure HIV, increase survival in the desert, cure gonorrhea, and it might “even taste good once you get used to it.”
As he says, more eloquently than I can, “Firstly it is down to the fact that your urine contains excess nutrients from your system and that couldn’t absorb because it didn’t need that amount at that time.”
He suggests drinking salty water first to get used to it. But also you can boil out a lot of the salt in urine before you drink it. He also suggests that you drink the urine that results from “mid-stream” because the initial urine might contain bacteria that was in the urethra.
I have no judgment. He has an entire chapter on the history of drinking urine. Apparently people have been doing it for a long time.
But in Western Society we are used to thinking of urine as “dirty”, even going so far as having to “wash our hands after we touch urine” which he feels borders on ridiculous.
Important to note: “Older urine is actually better because it has a higher concentration of ammonia”. I did not know that.
I could go on.
There’s a lot of useful information in this book. For instance, depending on the color and smell of your urine there’s a variety of diseases you can diagnose.
Which makes me think again that the “smart toilet” is not such a bad entrepreneurial idea if someone wants to do it.
Make a toilet that analyzes the chemical composition of your urine and then sends you an SMS text if you are at risk of heart attacks, kidney stones, diabetes, cancer and a ton of other diseases that urine can predict.
“Whatever you do, though, do not inject urine in to the body. This can cause damage to the system.”
I can picture a real enthusiast saying, much to his later detriment, “F**k drinking it. I need it in my bloodstream pronto! I’ve got to inject me some of that POTENT stuff.”
I tell Claudia all of this, asking if she’s heard anything about urine therapy (“Urophagia” for those in the business) in her extensive reading of ancient yoga texts.
She makes a disgusted face but nods her head yes. “I would never do that,” she said.
“But what if it cures cancer?”
“Noooo,” she says and she’s disgusted. “Do you want me to serve you urine right now?”
“Well,” I say, “Craig says that you can’t drink the urine of the opposite sex. I might drink too much estrogen.”
“NO! Ewww!” she says, “I’ll get you a cup for your own urine.”
I have no opinion. Who knows. Is Craig full of it? He’s published a book, after all.
“Why are you even reading that?” Claudia says. She repeats. “Why are you reading that?”
“I was looking up books about Bitcoin,” I say. “I have to go on CNBC later to talk about Bitcoin because I am the bestselling author in history who has pre-released his book ONLY on bitcoin.”
(see bitcoin.chooseyourself.us. Actual release of “Choose Yourself!” on Amazon for hardcover, kindle, and audio is on June 3 in all other currencies)
“That’s because you are the only one,” she says.
Well, maybe. Who knows?
“In any case, for some reason, people who buy books on Bitcoin also seem to buy this one book on urine therapy.”
I kept on reading. I knew where Claudia was coming from. I read more on the history, more on the cures. Some tips on surviving in the desert (better to pee on a towel and put on your forehead than drink it because you might get further dehydrated from the high salt content).
There was zero chance a mainstream publisher was going to publish this. I can just picture the editors working on this!
Out of nowhere, Claudia says, “it’s weird that you brought that up. I was just thinking about this earlier this morning.”
“You were thinking about drinking urine for health?”
“Yeah,” she said.
She shrugged her shoulders, “I totally can’t remember. But when you brought it up I remember thinking about it earlier.”
The sun was coming up. Birds were chirping. I’m gong on TV later.
Today promises to be a good day.
ALTERNATIVE ENDING #2
Claudia said, “Get me more coffee, bitch.” And I did. Because I love her.
ALTERNATIVE ENDING #3.
When you write, don’t think about money. Don’t think about who the reader is. Don’t worry about what people will say. Life is filled with limitations.
What comes out of your head shouldn’t have boundaries. Life is either a prison or the highest form of performance art. Every moment it’s your choice.
ALTERNATIVE ENDING #4.
I will leave this ending to wordsmith, Craig Smith:
“You have been brought to this book because you have some condition that you feel urine therapy will help with. Therefore it is important that you start treating yourself with urine and tracking your results with a diary.”
[Note: I will be doing a total How-to when this next book comes out. I went ALL OUT on "team-publishing" this].